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"Diary- di·a·ry, n, 1 : a record of events, transactions, or observations kept daily or at frequent intervals Journal-jour·nal, n, 1 : a record of experiences, ideas, or reflections kept regularly for private use Do you see the distinction? I'll try to keep this a JOURNAL, make it more honest, more true, and more me than my last one. No promises though, I'm a complex person who was somehow thrust into a boring monotonous life. Or maybe I'm the boring one...
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Thursday, September 09, 2004
As I'm sure anyone who saw me today knows, today sucked. I was unhappy and stressed and miserable and exhausted and ready to burst into tears the whole time. I think the only thing that stopped me was my pride, but eventually even that will break. And I'm sure tomorrow will be the same seeing as all the stuff i didnt have today is now due tomorrow. Im mentally preparing myself for another all-nighter. Urrgh. I need to pull myself together. Think like a Bene Gesserit Lise (you people don't read enough books, if any of you actually know who the Bene Gesserit are I'll sleep with you, thats a very safe bet), the mind is stronger than the trials. Thanks to Steve and Kyle by the way for being so nice to me today ^_^.
On to heavier things, or the heaviest of heavy things in my opinion, the future. *Sigh* due to the condition of our academic program my parents, and indeed myself, are becoming more and more disenchanted with the current state of affairs. The ever-present possibility of emigration is becoming increasingly real and increasingly logical. Not final, but sensible
My family is currently holding two houses. The one here in Florida, and the house in the mountains in Canada. Just from look at this alone it makes sense to leave. The house in Canada is absolutely amazing in every way. It's enormous, its well insulated and has a solarium for winter, it has panoramic views of the plains and the Rockies, and its got TWO IB schools right up the road. Neither of my parents work in Florida and house here is deteriorating, we just aren't motivated enough to keep it up ourselves. Even without the house, the piece of land which it's on is VERY valuable, you can put two houses on it if you really wanted. But moving to Canada isnt even the main thing being considered.
The real plan is to sell the house and plot here and move to the UK, probably London. I'm sure I've told you how everything with my parents is a constant struggle of whos right or better and who i agree with. I can't go to Denmark because my mom will hate me, and I can't go to summer school in britain because my dad will hate my mom. But this works out perfectly for everyone. We're a few hours from everyone's. My mom can go to scotland to see her family, my father can go to denmark. It's two hours to amsterdam or paris or our friends in rome or my godfather in sweden. I know the fact that my parents don't get to see their families much upsets them. Furthermore my mother is now working in Nigeria and goes there more and more often. Flying from London to africa is MUCH cheaper than from the states. Healthcare is taken care of, insurance and taxes are easier, they won't even have to worry about getting me a car because I prefer public transport.
Then of course there's me. Of course school is basically my life now. My opportunities are better in the UK. If we moved there my parents would probably put me in public school (which is private school to all of you), maybe even boarding school, or I could keep doing IB. The system there is MUCH better than here of course, AND its a few hours from Cambridge so I can get help and plan ahead (I know the guy in charge of scholarships). I doubt I'd actually get in there, but the advice would definetly help. What makes me want to leave is knowing that im being dumbed down by the culture here, or lack thereof. That isn't what I want. This way I'd get my dual citizenship, stellar education and environment, GET PAID BY THE GOVERNMENT TO STAY IN SCHOOL, and have a vacation home in the Rockies. Who doesn't want that? The only thing that I'd be leaving would be all my friends, and while that ABSOLUTELY KILLS ME and has been what's kept me here so long, the fact is that any friendship worth keeping won't be altered by the fact that you're all thousands of miles away. At least not by me. And let's face it, after senior year you HAVE to go to Europe, and you can always crash at my place, or come see me in the mountains over summer.
The part that I really hate is that this is all really my decision. If I walk up to my mother and say this is what I want I'll be gone by march no questions asked. It isn't one of those simple things where your parents tell you you're moving and that's it, you just learn to adjust to the facts. I'm not being dragged away, I'm being offered either certain happiness right here right now and an uncertain future, or an uncertain present and uncertain future. I feel all at odds with it, everytime I try to think about it I want to cry because I know what's best. Saying that I want to go and know I should feels like the ultimate way of betraying all of you, saying you aren't enough to keep me here which isn't true at all. My friends are my saving grace and what has gotten me this far. I know that I'd really have no problem and am fully capable of starting over again from scratch and making new friendships, even ones as good as the ones I have with you. I'm just not sure I want to.
So if there's anything you think I ought to know, or anything you've never asked me, you might want to reconsider why you've never said it. Now might be all we have.
Posted at 9/9/2004 5:20:44 pm by Celebriel
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
BIG LONG POST OF SPASTIC CATHARTIC MINI TOMES, sorry if it makes no sense, I post for me, not you.
I was struck by divine inspiration yesterday (actually it was Kyle, but he has his own aspects of divinity to him) and it made me think about why it is that I'm friends with all you people, “all you people” being the four of you that read this on a semi regular basis. You’re my regular audience, it is usually because of you that I write this jargon and bilge from time to time, it is from you that I get the much needed props and attention that keep me from opening my forearms with something sharp. Or blunt, if it’s an especially bad day. Anyways, I thought about it, and I am of the opinion that besides that fact that you’re all just freaking awesome, or perhaps because of it, you all contribute something to my character. You bring out the better (or sometimes worse, ahem), parts of you in me. I’m sure you’re all dying to know right? No not really, but I’m not one to piss on a muse so I’m writing it anyways.
So in no particular order, (other than Ben, because you all know that Ben will bitch out at me if he’s not last which is fair enough, and Ben don’t deny it, you WOULD bitch out.) here’s a bit of what you do me:
Roy- You all know Roy right? Strangest little bugger I’ve ever met, so astoundingly great. Roy makes me want to care, or not care, depending on how you view things. I want to be caring and sympathetic and actively involved. He makes me want to go out and cure AIDS, cancer, and racism and then go home and wear mismatched socks on my ears and flip off anyone that looks twice. He makes me want to know what I stand for and stomp on you if you try to hinder the revolution. Vive le Moi!
Steve- Steve makes me want to be happy. You might not know it, but I am REALLY one ugly pain in the ass when I’m unhappy and frowning; but it’s really hard to be unhappy with infectious Steve running around actually being supportive (oh ho! Bet you didn’t know that! Steve is SUPPORTIVE), and then being stupid with me so I don’t feel like the lone idiot. I can laugh and be mundane and immature and idiotic, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks because either Steve is doing it too, or he’s making a bigger idiot of himself so I don’t have to worry. (hehe) I’m a MUCH better person when I’m not moping, and as much as I enjoy moping (being the passive aggressive self-destructive masochist that I am), I don’t want to mope when I can watch Steve do the Lizard and be happy instead.
Kyle- Kyle is the angel that comes and rescues me when I have NO IDEA what the hell I’m doing at school. Kyle calls himself an archetypal nerd, which I suppose, to the casual third-party observer, might be true. In reality Kyle just happens to be the absolute most incredibly nice, polite, considerate, and non-hating guy with an intelligence quotient of five bajillion and six.
I’m dead serious, Kyle just DOESN’T hate people, or if he does he doesn’t show it, he’d NEVER tell you who, and he’d be exceptionally cordial if he was ever talking to them. So basically if Kyle hates you, you’ll never know it. He’s a disgustingly diligent student (and puts us all to shame seven times over), and he’s a loyal friend who keeps secrets and trust. If someone is talking trash to Kyle about one of his friends, he lets them know he is VERY put out, which is about as serious as Mitchell telling you deserve to die, and we ALL KNOW how serious that is. Just think about how much you must tick Kyle off to get him to tell you to shut up (I know this because I did it, I’m not just being nice).
Kyle makes me want to be a better person. I want to stop swearing and getting up late. I want to stop slacking, study more, and work harder. I want to set goals and meet them, make good decisions and recognize the consequences of my actions. Stop losing my calculators and forgetting to write in my planner, listen more, be a good friend, always think of others, and ALWAYS have an extra pencil. He makes me care about what happens.
I’m really getting warmed up, these things keep getting longer. Take a deep breath, this one is going to end up tangent infested and abstract and incoherent. I hate how much you make me think.
Ben- Ben, Ben, Ben, needless to say you confuse me. Ben is what both undoes and reinforces the rest of you, because as one could expect, Ben makes me want to be me. For anyone who doesn’t know of Ben (unlikely if you know me), Ben has been described as me but XY (who passed bio?). While this is generally true, we aren’t EXACTLY alike in every way, and when we differ it’s often a stark difference. It’s probably my only friendship that thrives on its dysfunctionality, the fighting is half the fun. It doesn’t seem to matter how badly I screw up because Ben will just say “oh well, better luck tomorrow.” This is life, this is who you are, you can change it or modify it or undo what has been done or revise the events you wish you could change and say the things you never said. Make no apologies and take no prisoners. There really is no true way to define or describe this friendship. I don’t know what we were, what we are, or what we are becoming, but I know that with Ben everything is two sided and in the most amazingly technicolor shades of gray. He brings out the best and worst in me.
He makes me want to stop second guessing everything I say and be truly blatantly honest with myself, him, and everyone else, no matter how much I’d rather keep it to myself or tell it like it isn’t, yet there’s so much trepidation at the fact that I can’t foresee the effects. I want to listen to what everyone believes, be open-minded, enlightened and informed, but at the same time I want to have my own opinions and to hell with you if you don’t agree with them. I want do absolutely everything I'm capable of perfectly, but also accept my flaws and USE them. He’s my Epicurean Boy scout, I feel like doing what’s right and what’s best, but then it turns around into what feels best right now. Why say no if it’s so easy to say yes, but why agree when you can be contrary and difficult? He makes me want to be intelligent, creative, sincere, chaotic, nonchalantly neurotic, predictably spontaneous, independently reliant, audaciously reticent, randomly calculated, Unequivocally unique. He makes me feel perfect in my imperfection; anything that one considers equal to themselves must be of the highest echelon.
He reminds me that we’re all just here for the sake of evolution, and as cold and calculated as that might sound, it’s really a beautiful end-all truth. It eliminates guilt and sadness and hate and regret because whatever petty arguments you had or mistakes you may have made today, yesterday, or fifty years ago really don’t matter in the grand scheme. But similarly, any good that you do, all your love and happiness and warmth and beauty and generosity won’t matter either. The cosmos doesn’t care whether you were Adolph Hitler or Mother Teresa, Death doesn’t care how many friends you had, Time doesn’t spare the Good Samaritans. You can’t afford to not take chances or to be something you’re not because all you have is right now. When one door closes another does not open. There are always multiple possibilities at one time. These are what we call choices, and some present themselves at only one instant in your life so decide fast. If you blink the opportunity for something great will be gone indefinetly. You either move on to the next possibility (that was there the whole time), or you sit and wait for the old one to appear again, and you never know, it just might, but it’s a gamble. I believe some things are meant to be and worth waiting for, but all of the “Greatest Things that Almost Happened” amount to nothing in the end. I don’t want to be hung up on them, it’s enough to have tried. Ben makes me want to be sure that I know what I want, what I did, and who I am before the end of everything; and that when that time comes I’m happy with how the story goes.. Posted at 9/8/2004 5:56:25 pm by Celebriel
Hmm, another one of those mythical "Good Days," Perhaps not so interesting to all of you though
So today I was SUPPOSED to go volunteering with my mom in the morning at the West Orange Christian Center (no joke), where I work in the thrift store and practice my Spanish with the customers that come in, w00t Yo estoy multi-taskando, and then come home and do work because school is back wednesday. But I think they lost power or something, because we ended up not volunteering. Boo hoo, no sorting through bags of clothes to find someone is donating their athletic supporter. Eeegh, that actually happened last time i was there, I threw it across the room. Instead I waited and talked to people online whilst catching up on my work for TWO HOURS because my mother takes for freaking ever to get ready. Honestly, what the heck is she doing? I'm a vain sixteen year old girl who's constantly in a bad mood and has ridiculously long hair and it takes me LESS THAN HALF the amount she takes to get ready. Oi. Anyhoo, we went out anyways, for various and legitimate (well, to my mom anyways, they weren't really legit) reasons. These reasons being that:
1. My mother is a shopaholic (me too though, I swear, shopping generates astronomical quantities of endorphins)
2. My mother wanted to go dress shopping. She's leaving for Nigeria in october which is conveniently homecoming time so she wants everything taken care of now. If it was just my own I wouldn't care one little bit, but I'm expected to go to other people's (childhood friends and doofuses, the ones whose mothers are socialites and get their nails done every week. Certain things are "expected" in these circles, it's right of passage to them. I'm not american, its not my tradition, but w/e its fun) so I actually have to do stuff. I know that to all of you manly folks this means nothing since its barely September, but to high maintenance double X's like me these things are all about preparation. I takes a LONG TIME to find a dress. Mussolini says she doesn't trust Hitler with stuff of that ilk, and rightly so as my father is insane. My father says its dumb to do it this early. I say sweetness I get free lunches while we look and a free dress.
3. My mother and I are going crazy from being stuck in the house with the gents. It's so hard to talk about people when they're ten feet away.
4. My mother knew very well that taking me out to do something utterly superficial and feminine would PISS MY FATHER OFF to NO END. I think he kind of wishes i was a boy, I'm definetly the tougher one.
So yeah, went out and fed my unhealthy shopping addiction. The following text is not chronological
Music is on sale at Borders 4 get 1 and there's a whole bunch that are only $10. So since I quite seriously never buy music (no im not a pirate, arg), I got Keane and Jamie Cullum, and this kickass notebook (I like notebooks and journals, so sue me). Yes my taste is ecclectic. My mom took about a year to find a fourth CD she wanted, I swear we checked every freaking rack in there, except the broadway soundtracks because there was this weird crazy guy listening to The Boy From Oz who was "singing" (sort of) and dancing and flipping out. Most distressing particularly because he looked like a bit of a hardass.
Oh yeah and my mom got really ticked at me and publicly jumped me because I stole her sandal and hid it behind a shelf. We get really immature sometimes, like when we were stuck in traffic, and there were these two lawnmower dudes who were trying to put a tree back upright, and they were both pushing each other in order to push the tree. It looked like they were doing something naughty (Hey ben, remember those two geezers on the beach? It was like that.) For some odd reason, no idea what it was, we thought it was really funny and my mom wanted to take a picture, but traffic started moving while i was getting the camera.
As for the actual dress quest, I found a nifty dress from Moschino (which im 98% sure means nothing to any of you becase you are A: all guys and B: not spoiled little only daughter label-whores like me. We are what we are trained to be), but alas it was unanimously deemed "too fierce" for HC; what my brother would call umm "chubby-inducing," I might still get it though.
Later on I found an absolutely perfect one that even my mother couldn't complain about (she ALWAYS has complaints if its clothing I pick, either about the clothes or me in them, I can't win, sheesh), but unfortunately the price was a little steep, and my mother is Scottish and Yoruba (the Yoruba are referred to as The Jews Of Africa), which means she has a double cheap gene. Not good for me. See this is why girls do things ahead of time, it gives us time to start conniving and bargaining which is exactly what I intend to do. Worst case scenario: I have to be truly underhand and cry to my daddy because unfortunately it is true that this often works for the same reasons that cause me to have no freedom. These reasons being that I'm the youngest, the only girl, the only sane one, the favorite, and the only hope. Oh the burdens of being me.
We were at west oaks and I ran into Lucie and Aisha (kickass sophmores that went to my middle school), so I hung out and shopped with them, that was really fun, we should do it again. They're both insane like me.
Oh yeah, I also got hit on by a complete stranger. This guy kept staring at me and then comes up to me and says "Excuse me, are you single?" what the hell? That's utterly tactless, if you can't even be creative about it you suck twice as much and I'm even more less interested. And it was so impromptu that I didn't even have time to think of something quick and witty which is my customary response (and yes ben, if they appear interesting enough, cute enough, or stupid enough there are MASSIVE amounts of dangling. Why? Because its just so damn entertaining to make them feel safe and then pull the legal card, they have it coming). I just kinda said "Uuuuh no?" Come on Lise, you are so much better than that. Mussolini didn't even come and save me. She just laughed and laughed and laughed. hmph. That's why I took her sandal later at borders.
So we came home around 7, as expected my father was thoroughly upset (probably because I got ANOTHER tank top. Im a tank and tee addict, and this one was particularly nice), though surprisingly civil. Probably because I came in all nice and cheerful and polite like. And then started doing homework. And then I found out we were out of school again on wednesday. Man, my day just gets better and better. Cept my mom wouldnt let me online (sry if i signed off on any of you). Why? Because she was playing Loop on shockwave. I regret ever showing her that game, shes a Loop Junkie. My mother was on the Loop World Champion high scores board for like a week. What a loser. And now im finally on and no one else is. Hmph. To bed. And tomorrow! WORK. Though I dont mind, I made great progress tonight.
Post coming tomorrow. Not THE TOME by any means, but certainly a kindred entry. Patience is a virtue.
Music- Keane: Somewhere only we know
Mood- Sod off I'm tired
Posted at 9/8/2004 4:25:56 am by Celebriel
Saturday, September 04, 2004
I <3 Foreign Films and My Stupid Brother.
Ok, for some odd reason there is a deity out in the cosmos that is hellbent on destroying all of my good posts. I had one typed up today about that freaking hurricane and what I was doing yesterday, and then I go to click post (as my mother is yelling at me in the background that shes going to disconnect me if i dont get off) and what happens? The freaking page doesnt load which means the freaking post isnt made. That is why I hate updating. Anyways
I just got back from PI24 where I went to see Zhang Yimou's Hero. Oh. My. God. This movie is right up there with The Pillow Book (which none of you have seen, but its great). Definetly in my top 100, maybe in 20. It was like the plot method of Rashaimon (who watches Kurasawa?) with the sylistic brilliance of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. There is nothing extraneous in this film, not even extraneous fighting (a disease that is higly prevalent amongst American film makers). I could spoil it to no end if I wanted to, you really have to think about the themes a bit. It's supreme cinematic art from start to finish, just an absolutely beautiful movie.
Hmm, I quite like film raving, I think I'll do some more.
None of you have ever seen The Pillow Book, this film I keep raving about, and I'm fairly certain most of you never will. Why? Because you've never heard of it until now. Why? Because it was never released or advertised in US theaters. Why? Because it's too edgy and intellectual for the casual audience. Oh, and it contains copious amounts of nudity. Copious amounts of MALE nudity. You have to admit it takes some serious nuggets to be in a movie like that, never mind make it. Having said all that its actually NOT about sex. Its about a vengeful girl writing books in Chinese calligraphy. Hmmmmmm, that's weird, why on earth does that require Ewan MacGregor and a hundred or so naked men? Because she writes them on their bodies. Oooooo, cooly, that's kind of kinky. There's a lot more to it than that, but if any of you happen to find the right bargain bin or indie cinema store I'd hate to ruin it.
My test in finding a soulmate is to show them this film, because you either like it or don't, get it, or get confused. You need an IQ of a least 110, a penchant for art and or language and love of culture, particularly Asian culture. You have to be able to think and deal with subtitles because a good deal of this film is in Chinese and Japanese. I'm personally of the opinion that anyone who can't read subtitles without moving their mouth needs to exit the gene pool immediately. Oh and you have to refrain from laughing at me when I start crying because this movie is emotional.
Bottom line: I hate stupid insensitive people.
In other news I spent last night sleeping in my brother's room with Duncan and Renee. Renee decided she wanted to actually spend the night so she told her parents she was sleeping over a a friends (without forewarning the friend to back this up if the parents called), Duncan moved her car up the street, hid her stuff somewhere in his room, locked the door, set the alarm clock so she could be out in the morning before my parents found her. Where do I come in? Oh the things we do for love. Well, the two of them decided that in the event that our parents DID find out in the morning that Renee never left, at least if I had stayed with them they'd know that nothing "happened." Oh and I'm just cool and fun to have around. I really didnt want to be an accesory to a plan where so many things could go wrong, but astoundingly it went perfectly. Clock went off, Renee left, I went back to sleep in my room and Duncan in his like nothing had happened. Now you all KNOW that if I had EVER tried a stunt like that i would be thrown in the iron maiden, gased, hung, shot, drawn and quartered and vaporized. Heck that'd probably happen to me just for being involved in HIS stunt. My brother's gaurdian angel is made of teflon and kevlar with balls of titanium.
Posted at 9/4/2004 12:03:23 am by Celebriel
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
You know what? I had something written out, something that even I considered to be good, and then I decided not to post it. Why? I don't know, I just didnt. I didnt like that it had been put off for so long, I didn't think I wanted you reading it, I didn't think I wanted a potential 234623456 total strangers reading it, I didn't like the vunerability of it, I didn't like letting you know the absolute truth about a moment through my eyes, I didn't like that it was completely and utterly honest,I didn't like that it would never be good enough, I didn't like that you might not understand, I didn't like that it felt calculated, I didn't like that you might not respond how I wanted, I didn't like letting you know every single thing I feel right now in this second that will not come again. And I didn't like that it just didn't feel right. Posted at 8/31/2004 12:57:33 am by Celebriel
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
I like the little stupid things.
So right about now I should be researching for my Group IV project (working with Lauren, woot), and I am actually, mostly. Im sitting on the floor in the study/library with my laptop and the carpet is littered with discover magazines and science books fruit peels, I've been really bingeing on the fruit lately. There's an enormous kneehole in my jeans which are hanging so low my underwhatsits are fully visible(ghet-TO), there's a soup stain on my tank (soup of my own making tho, w00t, i got skills), i've got dirty hobbit feet from running around in the garden, and I generally look like all hell. And for once I'm actually just content. If this moment were my last I would feel it was well spent by learning about genetically altered corn in the march 2001 Discover, eating a banana, talking to Ben, and trying to figure out why its so much easier to wiggle the toes on my left foot.
Oh the innocuous pursuits we take for granted! Some people don't have toes, much less laptops and $150 worth of magazines on bug-killing corn. For anyone who doesnt know me all that well, I have a great love for the seemingly commonplace, and I take great pleasure in the most mundane pursuits known to man. Midnight munchies with Lauren; seeing Harry Potter and LOTR a shamless 5 times each with my mom; roadtripping all the way to winterpark with ben (we arent there until we get lost at least twice); driving with my stupid brother singing AHA and tupac, then jumpstarting the car twice, doing a 1am McFlurry run and getting home way past curfew. It's rare that we get along so well.
I don't make much sense do I? I'm never happy but so easily pleased. For $1 you can go downtown to the Botanical Gardens and walk in Eden, for free you can go to the Library and rent 25 classics and watch movies for a good three or four days (unless its DVD's in which case you get 5) eating nothing but ramen noodles because you can get like 5 for a dollar (again with the trashy foods, who read that post?). I can easily spend five minutes here wiggling my pinky toe, why? because I can. And then I'll go drink a yoo-hoo I traded my juice box for after stealing Julian's swiss cake rolls. Yup, just like 1st grade. I will totally own up to my immaturity, I pray that I never grow old and cantakerous. So run in the rain, wear striped socks and pink shirts, glue quarters to the floor of the shopping mall, and if anyone looks twice or stares, make a really high-pitched noise until they walk away. Fuck 'em.
Posted at 8/25/2004 11:04:39 pm by Celebriel
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Pilfered from steve, I hope youll all do it
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold/underline the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold/underline is false.
01. I miss somebody right now.
02. I don't watch much TV these days.
03. I love olives. -I dont care what you say, those little buggers taste like playdough
04. I love sleeping.
05. I own lots of books.
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses.- actually I only wear them for needlepoint. Yes I needlepoint, and while doing so I wear the most JIGANORMOUS pair of thick-rimmed mock tortoise glasses ever seen. They so dorky, I adore them.
07. I love to play video games.- but only a very few, and Im almost never allowed to play, in case I become an addict like my brother. It ruined his life, so i just get to watch.
08. I've smoked pot.
09. I've watched porn. -guilty, but i have my reasons
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.-I believe that is entirely circumstance dependent
13. I have acne free skin.
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton.-WHO?
15. I curse frequently- not so much anymore really
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have a hobby.-several, I cant actually think of any right now, but i have them
18. I like to dance.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.-not everywhere....
20. I'm really, really smart
21. I've never broken someone's bones.
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
23. I hate the rain.
24. I'm paranoid at times.
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scars.
26. I need money right now!
27. I love Sushi.
28. I talk really, really fast.
29. I have fresh breath in the morning.
30. I have semi-long hair.
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister.
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.- Canadian pride, w00t. I think im going to get a dual citizenship with the UK though
34. I shave my legs on a regular basis.- not regular, do them if they need done, rest epidermis when possible. That crap is murder for your skin
35. I have a twin .
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.-it's really nice to have it though
38. I like the way i look- sometimes
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
40. I know how to do cornrows.- very vaguely, all good little african girls do, woot lol. Dont ask me to do yours though because ill say no.
41. I am usually pessimistic.- im half and half
42. I have a lot of mood swings- "a lot" really doesnt cover it
43. I think prostitution should be legalized. -the world would be a better place if our brothels were sanitary and properly monitored. And think how happy the now employed nymphomaniacs of the world would be.
44. I think Britney Spears is hot- what of it?
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past.
46. I have a hidden talent.
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
48. I think that I'm popular.
49. I am currently single.- its more like "perpetually" but hey, that makes it current
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex .- I've been bribed to tho, several times. By stupid members of the opposite sex. Boys are dumb
51. I enjoy talking on the phone only if its someone i want to talk to.- duh
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. - cargo pants
53. I love to shop.- Hi, my name is Lise and I am an addict. I think its hereditary, I blame my mother
54. I would rather shop than eat.- shopping makes you happy and well dressed as opposed to fat. Tho sometimes I prefer to eat.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
57. I'm obsessed with Livejournal.- other peoples
58. I don't hate anyone.
59. I'm a pretty good dancer.
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.-wha? He ate someones ear, so iunno if I'd put it past him
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.- dude, my mom is awesome. She's cooler than your mom and your dad, dont try to argue, you know its true. My mom is the OG, what a badass
62. I have a cell phone- well, usually i dont HAVE it because its my brothers as well and he's a douchie
63. I believe in God.- which god?
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis.- I <3 VHi
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
66. I love drama.
67. I have never been in a real relationship before.- I really overanalyzed this one and now my head hurts and im confused. Next statement
68. I've rejected someone before.- Several people actually, sometimes I regret it, sometimes I dont
69. I currently have a crush on someone. -dont ask, I wont tell
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
71. I want to have children in the future.- Iunno really, but I suppose we need more of me in the gene pool to counter you
72. I have changed a diaper before.- yup, i got mad babysitting skills, I clean up dog vomit too. I didnt even get tipped for it, jerks. Next time I'll just leave it there for you, its not my problem if your stupid dog eats tinfoil, what a dumbass.
73. I've called the cops on a friend before.
74. I bite my nails.
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.-but he's canadian, woot
76. I'm not allergic to anything that i know of.
77. I have a lot to learn.
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex. -though you cant always tell. Im terrified of boys, youre all evil un-understanding heartstompers.
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message usually.
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs.
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
85. I own the "South Park" movie.
86. I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.-wth? people do this?
87. When I was a kid I played "doctor" with a neighbor or chum.- why are there quotes there? I really did play doctor. We even used real surgical tools, slightly morbid really
88. I enjoy some country music.- I dont know why everyone is always ragging on country, its no different from rap, its just the other end of the spectrum, I like both in moderation
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.- I am not a dangler
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.- hes got some really good stuff, pity he went astray
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
98. I have dated a close friend's ex.
99. I'm happy as of this moment.- well, im not UNhappy, Im kinda happy and sad
Posted at 8/22/2004 5:21:37 pm by Celebriel
Friday, August 20, 2004
nicked from kelly and then altered. She has a really good journal, mad propz.
$ Movies you shouldve seen unless you suck
*movies I've seen
#Movies that suck or that I have to much dignity to finish
@movies that I have too much dignity to see
*X-Men
*The Craft
*X2
@Swimfan
$Fellowship of the Ring
*Finding Nemo- I liked this, and I Loved the musical score, but then I found out that the Living Seas at epcot is basically becoming Nemoland. Shove it fish!
*Peter Pan
*Home Alone
*Aladdin
*The Ring- this was pretty okeyday
*10 Things I Hate About You- I like Taming of the shrew better
@Not Another Teen Movie- please
#Spiceworld- good god almighty, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one
*8 Mile- quite good considering the circumstances
*Bambi
*Pirates of the Carribean- yes its wonderful, but just shy of $
*Edward Scissorhands- I cried :'( (yes I kno, I cry about everything).
@Stepmom
*My Best Friends Wedding
*101 Dalmations
@Scream - heo no
@Scream 2
@Scream 3
#Big Daddy
*Billy Madison
$Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets-
$Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone - despite the screwing with the book and the loss of subplots and stuff, I just love these movies. Harry Potter is great.
*Heartbreakers
@Dumb and Dumber - and ererererer or w/e what shite.
Two Weeks Notice
#Scary Movie- no.
Look Who's Talking
*Blade
Blade II
*Ocean's Eleven- this was good, just plain good
#Titanic - billions of people are starving and some dipshit spends HOW MUCH on this? May he freeze in Cocytus (For ten points- who knows where that is?)
Carrie
#Carrie 2: The Rage
@Daddy Day Care
*Legally Blonde
#Austin Powers- Poor Mike Myers, youre so much better than this
$Storm of the Century- this. is. a. cool. movie.
*Oliver and Company
$The Two Towers- cant go wrong
$Return of the King
*Mighty Ducks
#Fast and the Furious- Vin Diesel is hot, but man does this movie suck.
@2 Fast, 2 Furious- No VD? I'm not even bothering.
@A Walk To Remember- mandys a baptist, whatshisface is a man ho or something, he likes her, she gets all sick and dies, blah blah blah and all the while no one gets laid? I think not.
*XXX- this movie is fun and it has VD
$Beauty and the Beast- When all else fails I watch this movie. Its my happy movie.
#I know What You Did Last Summer- I dont care. crap, but better than scream
#I Still Know What You Did Last Summer- and i still dont care
Sound of Music
*Mary Poppins
Tuck Everlasting- i liked the book
*The Patriot- is this the one with mel gibson? hmmm, if so it was ok
*The Wizard of Oz- I loathe this movie
*Teaching Mrs. Tingle
#Crossroads- I only watched this because I was on the way home from paris and I watched everything else
*Now and Then
Pearl Harbor
*Just Marrie
$Cast Away- *Volleyball floats away* "WILSON!!!! IM SORRY!!!!" *Lise cries**one of you egits laughs and I kick your ass*
Radio Flyer
#Final Destination
#Final Destination 2
*Lady and the Tramp
*Shallow Hal- i love jack black
*40 Days and 40 Nights - garbage, watched it on the way to paris
*Bring It On
*Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory- trippy
The Outsiders
$The Matrix0- superb. now why couldnt those bastards leave well enough alone?
The Perfect Storm
$Cruel Intentions- I like this movie.
*Never Been Kissed
*Clueless- the start of a genre....
Bruce Almighty
*Remember the Titans
*Girl, Interrupted- half way to $ but not quite
@SWAT- BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*The Sixth Sense- VERY cool, feel bad for the kid tho, he paid it forward and dropped off the face of the planet.
Phone Booth
*The Lion King- just isnt beauty and the beast, tho the opening sequence is good
*Urban Legends
Nightflier
@Lion King 1 and a 1/2
*Little Mermaid
#American Pie - never finished it
*Center Stage - we're men men men, we're men in tights!
*Scooby Doo
*Bedazzled
*Mrs. Doubtfire
*Save the Last Dance
*My Girl
*American Beauty- definetly good, but not sure it deserver the oscar. Not quite a $ but it makes you think. A lot.
**Romeo and Juliet - there's two stars because I've seen both the Baz Lurhman (i <3, very cool movie, John Leguizamo was stupendous) and the Franco Zepherilli. Have you? If not you suck.
*Lost World
*Casper
*Miss Congeniality
The Rock
Face Off
$Moulin Rouge- Lurhman is the man.
*Sleeping Beauty
$Alien-the last scary movie. And j'adore Geiger, reminds me of my favorite sweater. who For the lost and uncultured Geiger is the artist who's work inspired nearly every visual aspect of the film. He created the aliens.
Tombstone
*Lake Placid- what a hoot
*The Recruit
*The Shining
*Pocahontas- almost as good as beauty and the beast, better musically and aesthetically
French Kiss
*Pretty Woman
#Dirty Dancing- horrendously overated
*Italian Job
*Love, Actually- i really like this movie. Romantic Comedy on crack, but still good because its british
*Identity- whoa. This movie is like frailty.
*The Mummy
@Drumline
Finding Forrester
*Monster's Inc.- I hate disney, always trying to rip on dreamworks which is just plain bettter. DW does Antz Disney does bugs life (which sucked, four legged ants wtf?) Shrek > Monsters Inc, and I hope Shark Tale Bitch slaps Find that one dumb cripple bratfish.
(part) Freddie got Fingered
(part)Spawn
All I Want
Mallrats
*Dogma- this movie reads like our lunchtable, very insightful hilarious and disgusting
*Rat Race
*Stigmata- I liked this, it was really more than just blood and jesus. A bit scary too.
Eye Of The Beholder
To Die For
Gangs Of New York
$A Clockwork Orange- J'adore, and one of my favorite books
$Chicago- sorry, just plain good. Until drama freaks everywhere pimped it out.
*Big Fish- all things Tim Burton are great, but this was just shy of a $
#Donnie Darko- just kidding ben, I'll get to seeing this one, and when I do it'll be one of my Ben things, a long with a bunch of other stuff
Chinatown
*There's Something About Mary- ha.
National Security
*What Dreams May Come- insightful
@Lilo and Stitch- shove it, theyre changing alien encounter at magic kingdom because of this little bugger
*Selena
@Les Miserables; Tenth Anniversary Concert- the drama freaks put me off this one too
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
Oliver
The Haunted
Jane Eyre
$Monty Python and The Holy Grail
@Annie
*Pleasantville
The Goodbye Girl
Evita
@How to Deal- don't need lessons thanks
The Frighteners
*Grease
*The Breakfast Club- just shy of the money $
*Best In Show- funny funny funny
Benny & Joon
Chasing Amy
Clerks
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Kids
Meet the Feebles
$Rocky Horror Picture Show
SLC Punk
$Fight Club- ben movie
American History X
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Eraserhead
$Trainspotting- I think they should get rid of D.A.R.E. and all that crap and just show this movie
*Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Pretty In Pink
$Nightmare Before Christmas- i <3 Tim B
*Thirteen ghosts- ha
(Most of it)Night of the Living Dead
$Napoleon Dynamite- Ben movie
#She's All That
Perfect Catch
#Boys and Girls- POINTLESS
#Matrix Reloaded - and this leads to....
@Matrix Revolutions
White Oleander
Thirteen
$Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban- Props to harry potter as always, but I dont like the new director or the new dumbledore
*Memento- cool
Posted at 8/20/2004 6:58:38 pm by Celebriel
Saturday, August 07, 2004
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 Posted at 8/7/2004 10:17:35 am by Celebriel
Friday, July 30, 2004
Hmmmmm, so I haven't posted in o a long long time. Uh..... lemme think whats new. I came back from the beach.....and uh..... oh yeah, I went to the beach AGAIN. With Ben and Amber. It was ummm....hmmmm, interesting. Very fun though, that beach (Cocoa, or at least the part that we went to) is DEAD, I mean you can FEEL the nuclear waste saturating the sand there, I'm serious, when I got home my suit was actually a different color. Blagh, I hate dead beaches, but the company was good. I can't wait to get the pictures back of ben buried in the sand. AHAHAHAHA, it was so great, we COMPLETELY buried him in a position where he really couldn't do jack shit about it, and then we went swimming, and came back and destroyed what little progress he had made, lather rinse repeat about six times. Ahahaha. All in all it was a very juvenille and amusing day. Lots of sand fights and stuff. I didn't really know Amber that well before, but now we have lots of painfully hilarious in-jokes, mostly at the expense of ben, though he doesn't know most of them. I will take them to the grave *crosses self**snigger,* cept for when I'm laughing with amber about them. AHAHAHA. Im sure we were pissing Ben off no end, especially me, seeing as I also got us lost later, three or four times. No one ever listens to me when I say "yeah go that way, or "take the next left;" you might beg to differ, but trust me, I said them. Oh man, I'm still laughing. ehehehehee!
Yeah OK, after that ummm...... I went to Leadership Conference for Best Buddies (which I strongly advocate you all join). Last year's was better but Oh well, still fun. Dorm rooms still freezing, food still good, everyone still looking to score, cept me. About a gajillion people randomly came up to me and told me I was pretty. And for a change most of them thought I was Indian instead of Hispanic. Weird. I've never thought of myself as pretty, I don't think I'm ugly, I just dont think I'm pretty either. One of those crazy girl things I guess. We're never happy but we don't know what we want, or we do know what we want and we can't have it. Girls are insane, but I wouldnt want to be a boy because you guys just suck. Don't deny it.
And at the airport on the way back I went to get a sub, and the woman working the register was CUH-RAZY stupid and slow and had a lazy eye. She was driving me insane I swear to god. I kinda wanted to dragon kick her in the face because 1) she was taking for freaking ever and talking to herself and pissing me off, and 2) if I did it from the left she wouldnt see it coming and it'd be really funny muahahaha. I liked the plane ride home. I love plane trips, this one was particularly nice. Have you ever seen what lightening looks like when you're actually in the air? There was a lot of sheet lightening, where it doesn't touch the ground. It doesnt just flash like when you see it from the ground, it sort of shimmers, but before you can get a good look at it its gone. Its so beautiful, very enigmatic, one of those things that makes you think about things like mortality. Orlando is amazing at night from above as well. You look down and see a million points of light, not the buildings or the streets or the cars or the houses, just light. It glitters and sparkles and looks alive and makes you feel very small and insignificant, which you are so dont get any ideas.
And now I'm at home, doing nothing in particular. I went and actually hung out with my brother yesterday, it was really funl. He's got his license now so we took the van and went to get moolah, and then to planet smoothie w00t. Actually we took a huge detour to olympia so Duncan could find his girlfriend and have sex with her in a locker, but we couldn't find her so he left a note on her car instead, awww how cute. So yeah, then we got smoothies and then we went to Millenia and got food and went shopping. Though it was shopping duncan style which means I was thoroughly unsatisfied with the excursion. I'm a hardcore clothesmonkey. Later we went out again, this time with Renee along, to Downtown Disney (west side biatch!) to get food, w00t, puck's express. It was all very fun, jammin with my brother in the car and all. Man, he's a pretty cool bro sometimes, despite the fact that he still owes me $100.
Tomorrow I'm preparing myself for the impending sobfest that is Ben leaving, and playing personal shopper for my dad. He wants me to go to millenia and get these little stuffed birds for him, my mom bought four of them for giles. The four she got actually live in NC (which is why she got them), and when you squeeze them they make their respective call, very cute. So yeah, my dad saw them and fell in love with them and now he's keeping them and has them all lined up on his bathroom counter so he can hear them when he's brushing his teeth, and he wants a whole bunch more. But my dad is about as lost in a mall as Bush at a Mensa convention, so I have to go shop for him.
Me and him actually talked today. Like REALLY talked. MOstly because I actually ate dinner with him, and despite the fact the meal started with the "Lise you are so fat stop eating that" discussion, I'm glad we actually
managed to have a fight-free hour. He wants me to move to Denmark for a year, by myself. Live with one of his many contacts or board, go to an international school, learn Danish, become independent and all that good stuff.
It sounds really great but as always I dont know if I want to. After seeing my brother's performance its amazing how much money my parents are ready to shower on me to make sure I dont turn out the same, I'd hate to disappoint them. My mom wants to send me to the Cambridge summer course next year, or just up and move me to Britain and send me to private school and get paid by the government to stay in school so I wouldn't even have to get a job. My parents are total nationalists, my dad wants to do the same, only in HIS country. So besides the painful guilt of how much theyd be investing in me, whichever choice I make, one of them will be mad at me, it's all very political. I'd still rather stay here for at LEAST one more semester, though I'm certain it will be much longer than that. I hate choices, I need to be told what I want or need. I'm so afraid of making the wrong decision, or failing, or change. I don't want to grow up.
Posted at 7/30/2004 12:26:26 am by Celebriel
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