FAMILY!!
So this is me, hiding from all the cruel cruel things in the world that trouble me. I'm like an ostrich with its head in the ground: If I can't see it I think I'm happy because it doesn't exist. And yes I'm wearing my lucky lime green underpants. The best of all colors.
And now, a glimpse into that cruel cruel world.
This is the evil man that makes my life a living hell from time to time. To understand his evil character all you have to do is look at his name. His name is Steen. Steen Malte more specifically, my last name comes after that obviously. You know what that translates to? The first word means STONE, and the second means MALT. STONE MALT. My father is a rock hard beer. Doesn't he just LOOK like the evil genius he is? Do you people SEE what I have to deal with? Ugh.
So this is my brother exercising his second amendment rights when he found out my dad took his XBOX:
Just kidding. But that is my brother with a really big gun.
This is a really cool picture of Duncan defending his oreos from my cousin.
And in case any of ya'll bitchez thought I was kidding:
Damn straight I'm a Yoruba.This is my wonderful mother Carole (though in this picture she is Omowale Fowora, all names in Nigeria have a meaning. Omowale means, a child has come home, which, if you know the story, is absolutely perfect.) whom I love very very very much. She's absolutely amazing, I have the bestestestestest mommy in the world and don't you dare try to argue because you are WRONG. She's better than YOUR mom, and YOUR mom, and YOUR mom, and she's hotter too. POW BIATCH! *dragon kick* My mom kicks infinite amounts of ass. Like, imagine how much ass I kick. Now send that to the seven thousand gajillion power times infinity. That's mi madre. Oh and she's with my uncle Ade and my grandfather, The Otunba Ademola Fowora (there's a bunch more stuff that follows that because of his title but I dont feel like typing it).
I really want to send this picture to Best Buddies, because it looks like such a perfect Best Buddies picture, I mean, how happy and sweet and nice and SUBNORMAL does my dad look? All the things he isn't. Pity it'd be a lie seeing as my dad's IQ is about a a thousand.
The other guy is Henrik, my godfather. He is absolutely THE MAN. He works on embrology with horses, and he was giving this stallion a shot. Stallions don't like getting shots, so how does it react? It kicks henrik in the face and smashes his jaw in about eight places. Ouchy. Most men would be crying, unconcious or dead, but what does henrik do? HE WHIPS OUT A CAMERA AND TAKES A FREAKING PICTURE OF HIS FACE FOR POSTERITY. He now has a titanium jaw. I think he looks good for being 50 or 60 something and having had loads of reconstructive surgery. Henrik is such a viking.
So now for a few more people.
FRIENDS
So this is me and mi prima, Lauren. Acting vapid and stupid because that's one of our favorite things to do. I love Lauren, she's always been there, longer than any of you have. But don't worry, if it came between saving you and saving her, I'd have a moment of remorse before dropping you off the rocky edge into a boiling lake of lava.
So this is me, with said cousin, and another super person you don't know. The boyscout in desparate need of a haircut (which I keep telling him to get, DARN IT!!!) is Greg, we've been superhomies since third grade. Lauren and I are at his Eagle Scout ceremony in this picture. Greg is a very cool, and more importantly very NICE and GENTLEMANLY guy. He's an Eagle Scout for crap's sake. My parents adore him, they say he's "non-threatening." ('Threatening' to anyone looking for a reference would be well, Ben in some ways for example.) This is also one of the few pictures of me that I don't absolutely despise and want to burn.
My mom with Giles. You all remember Giles right? I was working on his golf course over the summer? Got lots of tips from creepy old Freemason dudes? Maybe not. Giles is really awesome, he's all about cheating the system and suave anarchy. This is the picture which I affectionately call "The Shrek and Donkey Picture," which fits in more ways than one because the people in the picture have the exact personalities of said characters. Can you guess who is who?
Me, working on said golf course. My mom flipped out at me for not wearing the uniform polo whatsit, i refused because it was since it was as stinking hot as the Devil's Colon. Geez, even on holiday Stalin must enforce a dress code. But as you can see she lost, though I am wearing the Magnolia Golf course hat. Allied Power Girl believes in diplomacy and compromise and ultimately you still losing. Another picture of me that I don't despise, because you can't see my face. AHAHAHA.
I had some others but the damn things wouldn't load. Next time perhaps. In the meantime be happy and remember that Lise loves you.
